Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
