the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
