the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
