By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
found the other keg... it's in the tree
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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