how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
