Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
