Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
