Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
