looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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