I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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