i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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