when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
