No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
