The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
