I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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