so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
