please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
