It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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