this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
