So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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