He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
sarcasm needs its own font
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
