Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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