there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
