"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
