Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize