I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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