Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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