the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
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