How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
