I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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