I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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