So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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