Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
