I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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