I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
