angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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