see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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