For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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