"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
