She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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