booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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