What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
please come you make the beer taste better
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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