there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
