They should really pass out barf bags in church
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
