Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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