i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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