What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
