Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
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