As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Dear god my vagina.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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