Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Is Oprah even human
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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