She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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