man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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